"If one has no vanity in this life of ours, there is no sufficent reason
for living." Leo Tolstoy

Friday, January 7, 2011

Facebook an Ex?



LISA SAYS: HIT IGNORE! I come from the dating school of thought that once you’re done, you’re done. If I eat bad sushi at a restaurant, I aint goin’ back for more. If I get smashed on Whiskey Sours, dance on the bar at Coyote Ugly and make out with some one-eyed Jack-HYPOTHETICALLY OF COURSE ;) –It’s pretty damn safe to assume I’m not going to drink Whiskey Sours–EVER AGAIN!

So, why on Earth, after ending my relationship with you, would I even be remotely interested in being your Mafia Wars partner? Or give me a good reason why I need to see that you became a fan of In N Out?

I’m sorry, but there’s a reason we broke up. And last time I checked, our relationship didn’t exactly end with a high five. So forgive me if I’m not super amped to join you in the cyberworld version of shooting the shit over a no-foam latte.

But to every rule, there are always exceptions…

And I think IF we’re going to be Facebook friends, there should be a statute of limitations that expires first.

Like how ’bout a decade?

Did we share a sloppy smooch behind the monkey bars? Sure, I’ll accept you!

Were you my junior high prom date who said I looked pretty in my blue taffeta? Okay! I’m anxious to see what you look like without acne anyway!

Did I date you in high school and drink Strawberry Boons in the back of your pick up truck? Alright! Because I’m curious to see what you look like without that mullet!

For the record, I am Facebook friends with an ex…or two…

Because our only conflict was arguing over whether or not we should show PDA in the cafeteria. So, I’ll support your cause to get the thumbs down sign added to Facebook; And I’ll give you a thumbs up when your status report says you’re remodeling your kitchen; I’ll even comment on the photo of your adorable kids in the school play! Because the worst thing you ever did to me was ignore me when your buddies walked up to your locker.

But if we broke up in the last few years, I think it’s better to just forgive and forget. Because although our relationship may have seemed like high school at times– it did end over something more complicated than you writing a different girl’s name on your Trapper Keeper. Or me wearing another football player’s letterman jacket.

LIZ SAYS: HIT ACCEPT! Come on, you know you’re curious what’s he’s been up to and if he’s traded up or down. And the fact of the matter is that if I ignored every guy that I’ve swapped spit with, I’d have a lot less friends. You see, I was quite the kissing bandit back in the day, especially after a few shots of Brass Monkey up at the Water Tower. And I think it’s just plain mean to ignore someone just because they cut my lip with their braces and used their tongue as a WMD.

Like Lisa, I’m dying to see if you had a late growth spurt and finally ditched that Nissan Sentra and your love for Steve B. And it’s so much less awkward than waiting for our um, *cough* twenty year reunion, where you’re sure to get hammered and grab my ass during the group photo.

But I won’t turn away the more recent exes either. Like childbirth, I’ve conveniently forgotten how painful our relationship was. And by the time I see your friend request, I’ve even convinced myself that you have enough redeeming qualities to enter my Facebook sanctuary. And maybe, just maybe, I’m dying to know if you married that chick you dumped me for or if you ever got your snaggle tooth fixed.

So, I play nice on Facebook.

Dating for four months and you decided not to show up to my college graduation party? No problem! I was planning on drinking so much I blacked out that night anyway. Oh look, we’re both Susan Boyle fans! Hurray!

Had anger management issues and tried to strangle my cat? Merlin and I are so over it! Oh, and thanks for letting me know you just became a fan of the middle finger and beer, just in case I was questioning my decision to kick you to the curb!

Asked out my best friend the week after we broke up? It’s cool! I feel better after I saw the picture of you frenching your bulldog and the fact that you listed “hooking up with hot chicks” under interests.

So unless you’ve heard through the grapevine that your ex is a major shareholder in Starbucks and/or is dating a supermodel, I say just do it! Trust me, It will only make you feel better about the one you’re with.-chicklitisnotdead.com

By Liz and Lisa

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